“fuck yeah awesome

yeah I lost some

of my mind

and I found Peace

it was really kind

of awesome

it’s possible

goddamn right

i’ve been honest

the whole time”

1.

the charred black

skin on ankle

of jerk

chicken

leg 

2.

scatting scar notes and guitars

something about a masquerade

3.

the lone orange piece of carrot

in bed of melting beans and rice

4.

doo doo doot doot

doo doo doot doot doo

5.

ghost of salt and bitter

palette lust

salivating lonely game

6.

falcetto 

piano cascade

doo doo doot doot

doo doo doot doot

Sometimes you don’t need a really smart person. You don’t need someone to tell you what could have, should have, would have been better in the constant struggle of challenging the norm. You are in front lines of changing the world. This is not a term paper, a statement of purpose, a piece of work you have to turn in to an authority figure to be graded. This is life. Your life. Sure, you make mistakes. Big ones. Really really fucked up ones. And People will look down on you for that. But this is your struggle, your purpose on the line. It is important, means everything, that you know your weaknesses. By divine grace it is a blessing that you want to change, not just you, the world around you interact with. It is a blessing that you have the need to affect peoples lives and care for the future. Sure People will focus on your mistakes. Really smart people. Really accomplished people. Really opinionated people. Maybe they will laugh at your back and talk about your disappointments but understand they only know  from your word and actions you let them see. Blessing is the truth prevailing even if it’s not to your favor. Blessing is understanding you’re wrong. Pray your mistakes don’t become their truth but what matters here is you. You want to do good, and want to be better. There come a time no matter how smart, accomplished, valid, true and actual the help you seek, it won’t matter. Because what matters here is you. You know what you want. Blessing it is to know what you need. There come a time the answer won’t be in a book,  not a theory, not a quote from a dead man that lived years ago, not a way out, not an escape, a remedy, not an ideal, not a thesis, not what could have, should have, or would have. There come a time your question will only want listening. People will offer their answers, their remedies, their theories, their expensive education, quotes, and what not, but as much as help matters, it will never compare to you. You are the blessing. It is for you, above all, to know and understand that.

nothing is ever over

none ever ends

and so far I have learned

not to count anything out

and not to keep everything in

for nothing is ever over

none ever ends

         ” The next day you look at the new pages. For once you don’t

want to burn them or give up writing forever.

           It’s a start, you say to the room.

           That’s about it. In the months that will follow you bend to the

work, because it feels like hope, like grace—and because you

know in your lying cheater’s heart that sometimes a start is all

we ever get.”

Instead of lowering your head and copping to it like a man, you pick up the journal as one might hold a baby’s beshatted diaper, as one might pinch a benutted condom. You glance at the offending passages. Then you look at her and smile a smile your dissembling face will remember until the day you die. Baby, you say, baby, this is part of my novel.                    

This is how you lose her.